FIVE POEMS FOR YOU

Five More Poems

Translation : Gurshminder Singh Jagpal

1.

Defiance

Defiance never gives birth to Rama

Thus

Is your nakedness natural or by design

Is your gloom an edict or a logic

What does this all mean?

None is a hero in a war, nor a non-hero

Nothing would be got achieved

From the war being fought in this dark lane

From the wayward footprints of these stars

You, retreat Swarnjit

The aged shadows of your past

Look at you with yearning intense

Roads …

Rivers …

Ruins …

Deserts … World

Beyond it pitch darkness

And behind it statue of the accursed Ahilya …

Ultimately

What moksha are you in search of ?

Retreat … withdraw, my Rama

Ravanas are not just ahead of you

But behind too

Glued to those shadows

Raping their desires…

Though your bones are still sturdy

But no war here

Has ever been decisive

Each day strikes the devilish sound

And thunders the Prehladi-dad.

Such is the state of confusion and mistrust

That one fails to notice

Ant marching on times aflame.

You do not know

The meaning of falling there as a drop

Where the drop loses its identity before the fall

And forgets its meaning

You too, have lost your meaning

Walking on these naked…dark and purposelessly long roads

Walking on these

Is like donning a number on one's chest

Walking on these

Does not mean more than being an average

Walking on these

Is mere getting lost

Walking on these

Is distributing chunks of self amongst these

Withdraw…

Retreat, my Siddharth

Is going astray in search of shores, any living?

Shores on either side offer nothing

Remain in these tides

Be one with these tides

Get merged into these tides

This oneness

Is Moksha

Is Nirvana.

……

2.

Pawns

On

the thorny spread

like

the innocent feet

of pawns are we driven

We

Who win

Who lose

But do not realise

the joy of victory

the disgrace of defeat

Like always

are we used

Who are we

Wherefrom have we come

Whereto are we destined

Do we know?

We merely

dye our agony in

hues of dreams

and feel contented

We either

Shut or open

our eyes

But none hears

What we tell

Why we suffer

What complexities

we consume

and

how we exist

3.

Puppet

Much have

I

danced to the directions

of your strings

Much have

the peacocks

with hollow smiles

danced on my palms

Much have

I

slaughtered self

Much blood

has flown from

my heels

Much injustice

has been inflicted

by the shameless dance

performed on my limbs

Much have

you raped

my tired desires

Have I

by remaining servile to you

for forty years

buried myself deep

into the abjectness of my values

On

the threshold of your principles

From

spinning wheel to flag

From

flag to the violence of rod

Piercing the silence

of the turbulence of strings

I have suffered a lot

Much

hypocricy has happened

to suppress self

I don’t need now

coming from

your Left and Right

the thin and selfish strands

that are direction bound

That their tongues get tied

even to fight against opression

I shall fight

for lifetime

Now that

I have suffered much

Now that

much has happened…..

4.

All indeed is Love

To

bloom, into a silver smile

brushing teeth

To

make, the eyes feast on self

bathing

To

crave, for the stammer of a child

To

pen, many a wayward thought

ensnared in the love of a word

To

soar, perched atop a white cloud

in the dark blue sky

All is love so true

similar to liking you

To

save, self from getting slipped

following the voice of some bird in

mountains

To

moisten the corners of ones eyes

listening to the line of some lyric

To

converse, with the characters

arranging the books, in disarray

To

walk, in wantoness

drenched in rain

To

journey, along the glowworns and stars

with shut eyes in darkness

All

indeed is love.

5.

Book shall awaken

Purchase - Keep

read, don't read

Place it in the rack

place and forget

if you can't read

can't remember

Let it sleep

for months, years, generations

Wait

book shall awaken

some day some moment

It shall be read

by someone

who wouldn't have purchased

this book.

ਮੈਂ ਨੱਚਦਾ ਹਾਂ ਤੇਰੇ ਲਈ

MY FRIEND DEVINDRA PAL IS A FILM MAKER, STORY WRITER AND A FILM SCRIPT WRITER.
HE SPENT HIS PRIME YEARS IN BOMBAY FILM INDUSTRY AND WORKED FOR MANY TV SERIALS ,FILMS, DOCUMENTRIES AND ADD-FILMS.THESE DAYS HE IS MAKING SHORT FILMS OF PUNJABI POETRY WITH THE POETS.
CLICK ਮੈਂ ਨੱਚਦਾ ਹਾਂ ਤੇਰੇ ਲਈ TO SEE VIDEO OF MY POEM.

MY NEW POEMS

Swarnjit Savi
Some Poems

Translated from Punjabi: Gurshminder Singh Jagpal



Journey

I thought of journey
and
she began the conversation about
the caves of Ajanta and Ellora
and
started enjoying the
enormity of Niagra Falls

I thought of bird
and
she soared high
chirping amongst
woods, hills and clouds
and
perceived a nest

I thought of joy
and
she spread her wings
let-go my finger
and
flew into green valleys
and snow-clad hills
like breeze.

I shut my eyes
and
through stars and planets
she made me traverse in pitch darkness

I thought of sorrow
and
meandering through stupas and ruins
she vanished into the picture made on a pillar

I became quiet
and
she touched the canvas
with veritable hues
and I got imaged on the canvas

I thought of death
and
she kept caressing
the foreheads of mummies
that lay buried in pyramids

And
all those who lay asleep for centuries
stood up
as if startled out of a
dream.


Death

1-



It’s not you I fear
but
the despondency
I live
beyond the feeling of
unstable brimness
that comes seeking me

After fulfillment
the despondent-moment
is death-like.

My desire
each day
makes me graze
deathly-moments
small-little fears

Fears…
that empower me
and
in their totality
I stand before you

It’s not you I fear
but
the sum total of those moments.
………………………


2-

O death
Before the enormity of
your capricious horses
I compose a petite phrase of words
Cause innocent rabbits of
colours
words
rhythms
to run

And indulge in
small dialogues
with
big issues.



3-O death

teach me salvation from
cobwebs of relations
jaws of socio-egoism
memories and dreams
yearning and lusting
Then I shall not fear

Why fear, then?

What would I possess that would
be lost
get estranged
flow out off me

Why fear, then?



4-

Neither knowledge
nor ignorance
makes you exist

You simply
infest the book of my body
each moment

The dust that
quietly falls off me

The terror of that dust
that in an instant
I am
I ain’t


5-

O time
In a moment I gaze you
from thousand directions

In your eyes I trace
fear, sorrow, joy, pitch darkness
and infinity

Everything captured in the moment
as if you lie imprisoned

Tied to the bed-post
mere visual-time
……………..

6-

Echoes
word-history

Awakens death’s sleepy-universe
a long rosary
arises from darkness afar
reaches me in beads

My obsession
sufi-wave of words, rhythms
zenith of my ecstasy
moment of my brimness
fills in me
the energy to
touch that bead
that hidden behind a frayed veil
shining, chirping
recedes into the infinite darkness.

beads get sewn
into a long rosary
of history.
…………..



7-

O, Ancestors
You, who, love to defy death
Fill me too
with that vital creativity
which sprouts from the fear of death
and makes one swim across the time-river
with artistic zest.

O, Death
Intensify your intimidation
Much I have to create
against you
to understand you
to escape your vice-like grip

I bow to your
awe
- the genesis of creativity
…………………


8-

In the fear of
the suddenness of your knock
I intend to live
to the brim

Then
through art and poetry
I wish to draw a thin line
on the blue river of time

This
Knock of yours
gets used by fanatics
to spread dread

Selling dreams of better tomorrow
endeavour to rob us off
our present
joy-sorrow
celebration
energy
transforming
Living body
into a
Mummy.




Salvation ?


Will I stand liberated ?
From
the continuity of zillion time-atoms
that
in my birth land
in the bosom of my soil
have remained smouldering for
centuries

And from time immemorial
passing through my mother’s bosom
have housed themselves in me

Will my internal
conscious, unconscious , journey in time
rooted in timelessness
cruising through me
make me liberated?

I don’t wish to become free
of the identity
whose one end is rooted in me
and the other gets traced back to
centuries old timeless step.

For a mere liberation from your awe
I refuse to lose such huge gains


What purpose
this salvation
to me?



Where am I?

Where am I?

Everything, suddenly, stands afar
For instance
You, people, earth, planets, sepulchral-silence,
everything


What am I?
I distance myself from my body

What is this mind?
Then it too withdraws itself from me

What is consciousness?

Who is keeping a watch?

Is it I?

Something transparent, beady-eyed
watches everywhere

Air, consciousness, word, time, me?

No

Something else
that is watching through me…everything…

What is it ?




DUST

This thin layer of dust
settles wherever,
defaces.

Gradually
transforms everything.

However hard one
dusts the surface,
still
remains obscure , that,
which glares and shines
before the settling of
dust.

SOME MORE POEMS

Swarnjit Savi
Some Poems

Translation from Punjabi: Anil Kumar



Goodbye Mother!

Bidding you farewell on your final journey
Walking as I was with the four elements of your mortal remains
I was aware of your lifelong love
Every moment… every step.

And to painfully realize
That you’re going to return to five elements
I carried a water filled pitcher and completed the ritual walk around your body
The sound of the smashing pitcher
And the splashing water
Reminded me how on the day of my marriage
You’d in immense joy
Drunk the ritual water after waving it
Round my head several times.

On the snug chest where you’d always held me secure
I was placing
Heavy logs of wood and tree stumps
And while lighting your funeral pyre
I reasoned with my trembling hands
That I was the eldest son of my mother
And that I needed to be brave.

Consuming flames, which forced others away,
Continued to radiate to me
The coziness of your lap
And the shade of your body wrap.

And next morning
As I was gleaning and gathering your mortal remains
And putting them in an earthen bowl
To wash them in milk
You continued to linger on in my mind—
A young woman dumping basketfuls of soil
To fill the pit of a plot:
Your eyes full of dreams
And your hardened bones
And your dogged insistence
That you’d set everything right.

My hands stumbled upon a portion of your skull
And your sisters and sisters-in-law, my aunts, and your daughters, my sisters-- all averred
“Look at the writ of Mother Destiny
How incomprehensible it is like
The green coloured graph
On the oxygen monitor in a hospital!
That’s why in all your life
You’d experienced happiness for a fleeting while
And during the rest of it your silent eyes
Were filled with gloom.

How niggardly
Had Mother Destiny
Credited happiness in your account—
A scant moment of joy
For millions of moments of pain!
How mountains of grief
Mother Destiny kept raising for you!

Now here I sit
In the swift current of Ganga
With all that is left of your life
A few handfuls of bones not more than a couple of kilos.

Have got entered
In the ledger of the priest
Your name
Along with the names of generations gone by.

The priest has told me
How and when
Our ancestors came there
At Har Ki Pauri—the ladder to Eternity.

One handful after another
I’m immersing your ashes
In the swirling waters at Har Ki Pauri
And the priest remarks
“In forty-eight hours flat
These bones will turn into grains of sand
And will be washed away by Goddess Ganga’s
Blissful waters.”

And I find myself brooding:
I can hold you in my hands only a few moments more
And God knows where you’ll be thereafter
Perhaps you’d go on to join
The long line of stars
Twinkling since times immemorial.

Not you
But a sense of you will remain
After these bones
Have slipped out of my hands.
That’s all I’d be left with!




Nanaka
(Mother’s Family)

On crossing the narrow path
To mother’s ancestral village
Kids, elders, youth and contemporaries all
Turn into uncles, aunts, grannies and grandpas.

First of all on the screen of mind
Appears mother’s mother
My grumpy granny
A treasure trove of joys.

Happy, playful
Chasing us with a stick in her hands
Or showering her love on us
And feeding us with butter-soaked jaggery sugar.

And then there were
My grandpa and Uncle Atma
Every time you saw them,
You’d notice Grandpa pulling out pieces of red-hot iron
With pincers and placing them on the anvil
For Uncle to beat, cut or forge them with a hammer
Wreaking vengeance on them blocked
God knows since when.

And then fashioning
Sometimes a ploughshare
Sometimes a sickle
Or a disc for a hot plate
Or a chisel
And umpteen other things the two kept shaping.

Granda would double up as a doctor too.
Should someone come with an aching tooth
Grandpa would put his pliers in his mouth
And out came whatever was painful—canines and molars
No ah…no ouch!
The patient would look in awe at
The decayed tooth lying on his palm
And get up and depart.
Grandpa departed one day just like that.

At times in front of blazing red flames
With his face aglow would sit my Uncle—mother’s brother
Beating, cutting, forging iron.
Seeing him at work people would say
“Hot iron just cringes before Atma
Just like a goat in front of a butcher.”
And Uncle would say
“The welding that Atma does is as smooth as cheeks.
Let your tongue roll all over the tractor trailer
And not a spec would prick it.
And just like that
A day after he had wailed in mourning
At the last prayer for his dead niece
He passed away at his village
Without a prick.

And left behind him the legend—
“In front of Atma iron would wail
And work would go into hiding in scare.”
…………………




River
1-

How impetuous is the river!
Caressing stones
Rubbing them
Roaring
Leaving on them
A mark of
Her gushing waters
Combing the rounded head of stones
To make them smooth as wax.

Stones do get impacted by
The fathomless love of droplets
If not a drop itself.
……………….



2-


Audacious river
Carrying away
Everything in her blind fury
But stones
Keep locking horns like bulls
Jibing, baulking and thwarting

Roaring
Ripping
Flipping
The surging course of the audacious river.

…………….

3-


The unceasing fall of water drops
And the moist life
Have on stones
Grown verdant moss
And blossomed tiny leaves
-Refreshingly green.
Are these merely stones?
………….


Mother River

You…
How eager were you
To offer all that’s yours
To jungles, trees
Flora and fauna!
And we your sons good and bad
First add poison
To your water
And then to drink it
Purify it again
Water that was
An elixir before.




Mountain Dweller

Lofty peaks
And raring to reach them
The tortuous paths
Full of uneven scattered stones

And we set out
Carrying sticks for support
Breathless, suffering cramps
Stumbling and staggering

And wondering
Who would reach the top first
And planning to reward
The ones who would.

We hugged and patted in appreciation
All the kids and youth
Who had reached the top first.

Watching this celebration of victory
Was the one
Who had guided our path
He who, with the burden of our luggage on his back,
Had reached ahead of us all—
The tenacious mountain dweller.

…………………..
Clossal..!!!

Clossal..!!!
How deep it pierces into your being
This word.

Viewed through the window of the moving car
The stony torso of a mountain
Seems to have neither beginning nor end.
Running all along the tortuous road
Like a dreadful giant.
On getting down I notice
Another peak beside that mountain
Milky white
Shining like a plume
On the forehead of
The mammoth mountain.


Mother

Mother
Now that Mother
Has entered the pages of the ledger of death at Haridwar
Along side the names of her in-laws’ ancestors
Father lets out a wailing cry

And for atrocities hurled on her
Seeks pardon over and over again
And bemoans the loss of his Sultanate.
Earth like Mother
Where Father sowed neither love nor intimacy
Just command.

Mother who
In times of want and penury
Slogged shoulder to shoulder with Father
Put together her nest straw by straw
Filled the pit of a plot deep like a well
With basketfuls of soil she carried herself
And built her home.

Mother—Earth like Mother
Who had never whined
While bearing children
Or rearing them
But was always up and doing
Pruning and preening.

Mother raised husband’s younger brother like a son
And finding his elder brother’s nest empty
Placed two of her children in his lap
And filled with happiness his desolate home.

Mother
Who took in her stride
Every time Father tilted in favour of
His brothers and sister
Carried out chores for them
Only to bear the brunt of his rebuffs.

Mother
Sometimes she tolerated Father’s highhandedness
And sometimes the waywardness of her progeny
But kept the doors of her patience tightly shut
Never raising her voice.
Not her words
Only her sobs did the walls ever hear
Walls with whom she would converse in loneliness

“My husband slogged like anything
Day after day and night on night
I do agree
But I work twice as much
Tell me for what fault of mine
Everything I do becomes worthless
In comparison to what he does?”

Father who now wails in grief
Has been left all alone
All his life he had just commanded and had his way.
Now the pride of his authority
Lies shattered in tears.

ਨਦੀ ਮਾਂ

ਤੂੰ ਕਿੰਨਾ ਉੱਲਰ ਉੱਲਰ ਪੈਂਦੀ
ਵਰਤਾਉਣ ਲਈ ਆਪਣਾ ਆਪਾ
ਜੰਗਲਾਂ ਰੁੱਖਾਂ ਨੂੰ
ਜੀਵ ਜੰਤਾਂ ਨੂੰ
ਤੇ ਅਸੀਂ
ਤੇਰੇ ਪੁੱਤ ਕਪੁੱਤ
ਪਾ ਰਹੇ ਹਾਂ ਜ਼ਹਿਰਾਂ
ਤੇਰੇ ਪਾਣੀਆ 'ਚ
ਤੇ ਪੀਣ ਲਈ
ਫਿਰ ਕਰਦੇ ਹਾਂ ਸਾਫ ਪਾਣੀ ਨੂੰ
ਜੋ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਸੀ ਪਹਿਲਾਂ… …
....... ....... ...........

UZBEK POETRY INTO PUNJABI BY SWARNJIT SAVI

Recently Uktamoy (Uktam Khanum) visited India for the releasing of her new published books in India. ‘My heart is Weeping’ translated in English by Qosim Mamourov and ‘Sada Ronda Ey Dil Mahia’ in Punjabi by poet, painter Swarnjit Savi. Both books were Released in Chandigarh By. Dr. Sutinder Singh Noor , Swarnjit Savi and Dr. Saroa and in Ludhiana by Dr. M. S. Kang -Vice Chancellor of Punjab Agricultural University Ludhiana. Uktamoy is translated into Punjabi only after Zulfia Khanum of Uzbekistan, who was translated 20 years back by Amrita Pritam, and this time credit goes to Swarnjit Savi. Everybody including our most important literary critics like Dr. SS Noor, Amarjit Grewal, Dr. Niranjan Tasneem, Dr. Deepak Manmohan Singh, Manjit Indra , Dr. Raina, Navtej Bharti, Dr. Jagdev Singh, Prof. Aziz Parihar from Punjabi, English and Urdu appricaited the poetry and welcomed the books particularly in Punjabi.
Here are some pics from the programes :

Dr. Sutinder Singh Noor , Swarnjit Savi and Uktamoy releasing the books

with Manjit Indra, Sushil Dosanjh and Amar Jyoti

Swarnjit Savi and Dr. M.S.Kang presenting views on Uktamoy's poetry at PAU, Ludhiana

MY BOOKS

THESE ARE THE BOOK COVERS OF MY POETRY BOOKS

KAMESHWARI

(Godess of Kama)

A long Poem

by

SWARNJIT SAVI

Translation By: AJMER RODE

To Uktamoy

a poetess from Uzbekistan

.
….
…………..
……………………………

O Woman!
I bow my head before
Your mystery, your maya, the diverseness
and magnificence of your forms
And to the network of many such relations
Is dedicated
My small creation
Because of which, I am
So is the world
And this expanse
…………………..
…………
……
..

you.....
...shakti ..mother
..element
..................birthed
.....Vishnu Brahma............
…. timeless
….Shiva
.....Om................ touch
........you
.................sprouted
s..e...e
..................created
guru ............
.........great
festival.............. karma
.........fruit
you….you ..................
…you…you…you .......

...............

.......................
you the timeless glorious yoni
i am but an element of you

I
Shiva Vishnu Brahma
i am a part of you
born
sprouted
created
molded
out of you
i worship you
… … … …
… … … …

you the soul supreme
the final truth
the great silence
awesome dark
a smaadhi in frozen silence
the prime mover
i am a part of you
separated
impatient to merge back
into you.
you the yoni supreme
the fountain eternal
my love
my beloved
… … … …
… … … …

i remember you

i frame
misty images of your love
with my
philosophy
history
visible-invisible emotions
in a window of my trivial laws
… … … …
… … … …

you the shakti
the universal dynamics
the great maya
earth-heaven-verdure

you the wondrous truth
cyclopean
boundless
i a mere living soul
will journey
to your infinitude
through a bliss filled tunnel

bless me
bless me
with strength, my love
so i can journey
Accept
my reverence
my lustful urge
my sperms

my whole
a ray … particle … subparticle
a drop … raindrop
whatever i am
accept me
o, august maya
my love
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …


you meet
as waves and particles
merge
after wandering the galaxies
for zillion years

i meet you
knowing not
the distance
the endless time it takes

… … … …
No instrument i possess
to know you
to know how you reach me

Like an auto algorithm
you run my being
Visible nowhere
yet every bit of yours
feels like my own
You dwell in me
yet feel separate
you a picture of pure knowing
formless
boundless
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

You are a lofty door
opening into my consciousness
you are the story
of the tree of knowledge
before the Ashtamarg ushered

you
the awareness of my
very first effort in my history
you
delicate
transparent
invisible entity
i am your love spaced apart
… … … …

you are not a mechanism
i could understand in a lab
… … … …

nor
a complex argument
of logic
… … … …

nor a great temple
or a thing
i separated from
now impatient to return to

you are a realization:
you are i
and i you
… … … …

you are a celebration
a smaadhi
a langue
a strength
a nudity boundless …
a destination supreme
of my body
of celebration

i make love
am loved
at the very thought of your body
and to see you
to touch
to desire
to love …
and the way you drench in my love
I overflow
feeling our merger into each other

then
to enter to move inside…deeper
deeper
to reach a world entirely novel
then run towards a point
still deeper
be sunk in passion there
it is as if you
enter a window
to be in a world of immenseness
to feel stupendous
Then you pass
yet another window
reach a world strange unrivaled
with infinite colors frames
doors paths
layer after layer
unfolding
all this
such a complex network
What are you
and me?
what is this opening
into a new world each time
what is reality
Truth
is not merely to
discover
touch
or even to prove
As this all is
you are
everything beautiful
also a truth
But what’s this craziness
that only proving is everything
you are the truth
in every layer form
color fragrance feeling
suffering-solace
bitterness sweetness
in every way
And what is this word ‘truth’
doesn’t really make a difference
if i call it truth or something else
… … … …
… … … …

I
who never was
now am
and perhaps never again shall be

if i am destined to be again
i won’t know the form i will assume
you are my existence
inner – outer
here – beyond
a throbbing consciousness
like a truth eternal
… … … …
i am nature
you my creator
i am free even in
the birth-rebirth cycle

like a timeless flow
you elude
and will elude me forever

I
who once was
may never be again
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

i shall meet you
in any form
anaerobic or aerobic
now i travel
charmed by your beauty
but who knows next
what form i shall assume
… … … …
i have to see you
in a form of life
o, eternity
… … … …
… … … …
i know you
the way
i know the stuff of dreams
i reach you
with flying steps
touch you
as wind passes through a body
as after a deep sleep i know
that i was asleep
you are but a spread
of my desire of ‘knowing’ you
like a sensation travelling in
my body mind words
dreams

… … … …

give me the radiance
of beauty
so every bit of my being
awakens
feels your mystery
… … … …
… … … …
This blood
that runs in order
pulled by weather sun shade
like a thing
natural

starts to dance like
fingers of a potter
with your touch
with your very thought
it moldes you in
new forms figures
as it takes its own course
in me, this blood
This new flow
entangles in your complexity
again and again
wakes me into
a world
of new meanings of love

this blood
though in my arteries
enters you
flows through
the temple in every pore of
your being
lights a long line
of earthen lamps
an endless line
of stars
… … … …
my mind
wanders
in the woods of your body
charmed by the
wild fragrance
bows
before every twig bud leave
walks the peaks and valleys
of your beauty
in the same moment
… … … …

you
all the syllables
all the words
you the Brahma
to merge in you
I endlessly dance
on the notes
of your First melody
… … … …
Beloved,
in the world
of your great silence
you be mine
i yours
that’s all i desire
my purnima
O, mother perfect
bestower of strength
how abundant
the beauty the ecstasy
in your form
in your anger
in your great dance

the shakti boundless
you know
no fear no conflict

i am nothing
but a mere bit of gratitude
bound to you
by the great desire
… … … …

You the Gyatri
i the Trinity – your devotee
you the truth the beauty
untoldunsaid – without narration
I
a believer charmed by
your ageless beauty
long for a mere glimpse
of you
i am nothing but a speck
of your
awe-inspiring boundless existence
like a drop in ocean
a ray in light
i long to merge in you
so i know your depths
O, Gyatry
… … … …
Shiva Rati Parvati
Brahma
and i
all wander driven by desire
the desire
that at once is a tandava
and Shiva’s lingam

And i
adrift between
satisfied and unsatisfied
desires
long to journey from
the lingam to the vibrator
for i am
nothing but an object to move
with your vibrations
a means to satisfy you
beyond my own desires
here,
i spread myself
with the feelings of a silken bedding
touch of
your delicate toes
awaken in me
countless celebratory fountains
of my existence
every bit of my being
dances with the
electricity of your touch
… … … …
… … … …
you
a path leading to the
dawn of civilizations
the fifth note of human existence
a ragini of
fluid emotions

Kameshwari!
i dance around you
endlessly
to attract you
i adorn myself
with Sixteen decorations
to charm you
… … … …
what would be if you were not
… … … …
i am a blank page
you write
with a ceaseless flow
your pen
a limitless knowledge
a great Yaan
… … … …

you write
into me
dance … sound … energy
A flow of love
a fountain of Ragas
gushes out of you
The purity of flowing waters
would imprint desires
on the geography
of my body
… … … …

At that moment
i free myself of my
self-created maya networks
races
violence of races
and a psyche of violence

i free myself of
my self created
prison of sins
… … … …
the pen of your love
writes into me
a string of pure words
pearls of love
a raga of thirst
a story of marvelous feelings

your love
frees me
from this
hellish confinement
… … … …

your kisses
usher in my body
new metaphors of
mystery






your touch
brings
a drizzle of spring
to my body
your raindrops
quench the thirst of
my inner earth
i grow into
a world of your desires
… … … …

i live
because you are
else
i am nothing
but a cog in my self created
algorithm
… … … …
i wish to be with you
every moment
i am tired of
being with myself
i want
vibrations of your touch
your company
so we live enjoy
love
make love
to merge into each other
… … … …

the dancing swinging swimming
of your being
on the notes of a melody
to become one
with sound waves
of your limbs rising falling rising

then
bouncing into air
surprising the deer

steps of your maya dance
throw the tabla climaxes
into surprises
shame the winds
the rising falling waves

like the ceaselessly expanding universe
you extend
into my mind my body
my whole being

and i want
to be nothing
but waves and waves
in you
… … … …
… … … …

without you
i am just for myself
not for ourselves
without you
i cut into the being of others
run on a path
ending into the
abyss of a ditch
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

you are a desire of mine
a Krishna
satisfied by a thousand gopis
and i
i am not only Arjuna
of your desire
i could be any of his
Pandava brothers
… … … …
… … … …

you scribe
on me
recreate me for
a new context
a new mystery
… … … …
… … … …


I
journey on the paths
of memory
terrified by the miracle
of the coming moment
i journey through the
doors of ecstasy
between the moments
present and the moments to come
… … … …
… … … …
i the earth
you the heavens infinite
i circle round you
in devotion
The warmth
of your body fills me with
throbbing of life
and i create
trees plants birds
and amuse at their flights

Savita – shakti
my earthly body
ever needs carnal touches
of you
… … … …
… … … …

i circle
round the peak of
sadness
Vishnu’s sudarshan chakkra
appears
cuts you into thousand pieces
i circle
dancing a tandava in sadness
in your want
in a desire to find you again
you scatter
limb by limb
i scatter perusing
desire after desire
like a sound scatters around
a desire expands

i a stray object in
the expanding universe
of your desires
move towards you

i a carrier
of your shakti
am bound to move in circles
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …
I
an ego
you
the nature
I a drop, you seven seas
infinite expanse

i exist
play swim sink swim
in you
i realize what i am
you know what i am
a part of you
a mere speck a mere drop
… … … …
… … … …

Your touch does to me
what wind does to lipstick flowers
sun rays to sunflower
bow to sarangi strings
fingers to tabla

Your touch does to me
what the sticks in artist hands
do to jaltarang bowls

what a pregnant brush
does to canvas
morning warmth to buds
what sound of O…m
does to the samaadhi
of a yogi.
… … … …

Your touch
makes my limited being
limitless
makes it awesome
infinite
makes it wander
among galaxies
An endless journey of ecstasy
where the joy is melancholy
victory-defeat-i-you
everything
becomes a spread of silence
… … … …

your being
transparent
ecstasy
eyes
like a flight across a
transparent universe

forehead
as a desert
as a verdure is spread
around

lips
as valley of fragrant flowers
breasts
as naked Himalayan peaks
exuding snowy milk
for the entire earth
free of distinction between
mother and
a lover


your eyebrows
as the horizon beyond
body
a morning of ecstasy
all waters end up in your
navel
tidal waves in your breath
my gaze does not focus
goes around
as planets moons stars
in heavens
universe is a spread
of your being
visible invisible
abstract solid
this humble yogi
bows before you
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

i merge into the silence
of your breath
the raga your touch wakes
in me
is beyond my senses
to be
to spread
to die
to live
it all seems an expanse
transcendent

kiss
every bit of me
drink me to the end
so the difference between
poison and nectar is no more



my conscious
sub-conscious being
my intellect
logic
explore the depths
of your silence
walk me on the paths
that lead nowhere
but to your being
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …
the point where life first sprouted
the silence beyond anaerobic
the silence in the galactic revolutions
you are beyond that
a melody endless
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

when we radiate
in hot breaths
the universe of
your limbs
the fire of your desire
takes us
to the blind darkness

where nothing is
here or beyond

nothing but pitch
darkness
who is here?
not you not me – nothing
nothing but darkness
… … … …

my body
desire
belief
all shall flow
melt into you
as sound loses into infinity
color into horizon
suffering and solace into mind
as alaap of a raga
reaches me in my innermost
so you feel not my being
or not being with you
soak me into you self
i spread in you
with all my Five elements
touch me
scatter me
suck me into
your being
my senses are
unable to resist
you are here
you are beyond
… … … …
… … … …

you
naked
beautiful
a vast existence

the planets glow
like
little earthen lamps
in the darkness of your day

and this earth
grass –verdure
this atmosphere
is nothing but your bed
i consume you
and am consumed in love
in the very darkness of the day
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …
after saturation
in this moment
nirvana becomes a
meaningless thought

give me more
thirst
search
wandering
flight
so another full moment
comes
and after a journey
through that moment
mukti-nirvana becomes
meaningless again

you extend in my
body
open doors of my mind
to the universe
where you smolder naked
in my smaadhi
i spread from your limbs
to the edge of
the universe
… … … …
you
when you are
the desert in me
loses its fire
and in the moonlight
seeping through the
cool sand
every particle
of the sand of my body
flies to circle round you
in reverence
… … … …
when you are
flowers bloom
in the desert in me
like a morning unfolds
with white rose violet yellow
fragrances

the wind
after a touch of you -
multicolor hues
intoxicate forever
… … … …

when you are -
the universe of my mind
moves
every planet of my destiny
circles round you
our bodies sprout
countless moons
and stars
cosmic bells echo
I
mad in your love
perform my aarti
with the rhythm
of your timeless dance
in the dark of your silence
clad in marvelous colors
you
are a celebration
of ecstasy
exuding from every pore
of my body
i swim
in your being
sink
swim

you
and celebration
become one
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

i am a wait
of the silence
reaching you
from the beginning to
the end of time
… … … …

i am a ladder
of particles subparticles
where does a line
of light begins
where does it end
… … … …
where are you
where am i
everything merged
into one.
… … … …
… … … …

i reach you
swimming across death
leaving behind loneliness
a sad wilderness
… … … …

sometimes
ecstatic
sometimes broken
this thread
between you and me
this vibrating string
playing melodies
breaks free of its holding-ends
binds us
you and me
… … … …


peaks of love
slippery slippery!
like peaks of snow
and i disappear in them
wrapped
in total ecstasy

i struggle
to emerge again
with currents of energy
but spin and spin
until your warm breaths
pull me

you are an ocean
of emotions
riding on the waves of lust
and i
a mere instrument
of your satisfaction
… … … …
a stream you are
an ocean of nectar
and me -
gods and demons inhabit me
i churn the ocean ceaselessly
gods and demons become the same
merely change their places their names
after drinking the nectar
they inhabit me forever
… … … …

you a stream endless
an ocean of shakti
nectar fills you to the brim
in me live gods and demons
every moment i churn the ocean
… … … …
i celebrate
in the warmth
of double fire
… … … …
your body
wakes desire
burns every pore of mine
… … … …

your love
pours drops of
sandal calmness
in the sacred festive fire
and from the fire of
my desire
rises
a violet-blue flame
… … … …
I
kneaded in the double fire
am yours
and only yours
… … … …

and this bond
between you and me
it is as if your body
were a poem
and my poem
the apex of its eroticism

Filled with meanings
little balloons of language
wander in search of poetry
become poetry,
afloat
on erotic currents.

image:
embrace of conflicting truths
impulse to write:
musical intercourse of words
awakening of the erotic:
to be both, erotic and poetic
… … … …
you smaadhi
emerges
as i love you in imagination
after i circle the smaadhi in reverence
my semen sprays it
… … … …

it is you
and only you
who could make anything
out of me
turn me into ashes
or fresh breaths
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

poetry and language:
as sex walks
the streets of mind
and turns your being into
all desire
poem and sex
begin with senses
but don’t stop there
poem and sex
seek new paths…rituals….
… … … …
whenever we meet
you and i
repeat the same thing
we let our bodies
hug tightly
in wild love
let them cross each other
to spill
to spread
like calm waters
and it happens each time

Then
when i think
of you
of us
of your body
it’s fresh again
fresh
… … … …


enchanted with
a dreamy touch
i walk many paths of love
climb many ladders

then i meet you
i spill
i spread as before
like every time
when you’re
in my arms
it’s different than
when you’re in the arms
of my imagination
what’s the real difference?
have found no clue yet


because
this flowing water
is separate
and not separate
at the same time
… … … …
… … … …

when in love
differences fade
color
day-night
art-poetry
everything becomes the same
and it is only love
in which you recognize this
a marvel
a celebration of beauty!
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

is it sex then?
that thinks of you
frames you
pulls me to you
or is it you?
who sprout
sex
desire
hot storms in me
what is it?
are you first
or sex
or just your touch
… … … …
Love - a liking
sex – a response
… … … …
without the play of senses
nothing:
love
soul
supreme soul
you or me
nothing
… … … …
if body
then soul

if desire
then love
but love
does not end here
it journeys… transcends
all paths all bodies
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …
to meet you
i wrap up myself
in me
like a bird
in agony
… … … …
… … … …

blood throbs
in my guts
like an alaap of
raga Bairagi Bharava by
Pundit Jasraj

it gathers strength
to sing to invoke you
i build your form
from the words notes
from the elements
flowing in my guts
i gather my broken being
bow before your beauty
in an effort to gather
the broken pieces of my self
… … … …
… … … …
the trembling of my notes
the echo of my inner valleys
impatient waves on oceans
all rise from infinite depths
to meet you
… … … …
… … … …

notes of my song
seek refuge in you
… … … …
… … … …
to see you
is to create you and
to frame your vastness as well
to touch you
is to find you
and to lose you as well
It is because the reach of senses
is limited
… … … …


The thought of being
with you
rising from my toes
passing through me limb by limb
emerges from the
center of my head
a sweet ecstasy
a volcanic eruption
a thousand storm raging
in my pores
a thousand nirvanas
freeing countless souls
in one moment
as million pigeons take off
spread in the skies

sound of
countless instruments rises
in my mind
the heavens flooded
with melodies
my language has no words
to catch the moment
only the awareness
of being with you
i have
… … … …
… … … …


you are wind
and i a bunch of dry petals
that float
wander in your inner spaces
i a piece broken off your desire
wander
in the symphony of endless notes
… … … …
gather me
else i will scatter

without you
… … … …
gather me in you
you
inscribe on my mind
ever changing line of images
like a line of skylarks

like trembling of earthen
lamps floating on a
dark stream of love
a forest
of words
meanings
notes
a miracle of
radiant lines crossing
each other
… … … …
uttering of pigeons
at play
dew drops
on the
leaves
buds
flowers of love

a silent narrative
of floating dreams
of blue radiation
of a love story
journeying our violet
bodies
… … … …
… … … …
when you touch
every pore of my body
vibrates with a tandava
in anticipation of meeting
with you
… … … …
your touch
a prayer divine
my mind
drifts from a point
journeys like a line
straight to the unknown
… … … …


you touch
my breaths ooze
fragrance
utter a raga:
drink drink me up
… … … …
… … … …

you touch
my melancholy night
dawns

you touch
my mind is all scent
lips all thirst
million birds adrift
in the sky
… … … …
you touch
door of my mind’s cage
flings open
words pour out

you touch
a wild horse takes flight in me
multicolored balloons
float around like bodies
Touch my limbs,
caress
lick
and like a sarangi
tuned up in ecstasy
make the wind sing
… … … …

i am a desert
when you brush me
kisses of your love
rain on me
every bit of me
expands
trembles
i go green
in a split moment
… … … …
in your love
my creative being accelerates

in your love
hills
rivers
trees birds
sing sing sing
… … … …
… … … …
in that ecstasy
all that is mine
becomes yours
… … … …

when i see you
with a de-focused eye
of the camera
a clydoscope emerges
like your being
drowned
in ecstasy ecstasy
… … … …

nature,
what could i wish for
in your awesome expanses?
not living not dying
just eroding like stones
slowly slowly
i want in your love
to rise like a high fort
want to travel faster than light
to touch you limb by limb
before i collapse
for ecstasy in your meeting
is like ecstasy in death
… … … …

i wish not
to erode like stones
slowly slowly
I
a cog in
your massive chain
I break your regularity
to steal a moment
to create a new regularity
… … … …
and to break
that regularity again to
go back to the original…
i am
but a particle
in your magnetic field
pulled by a sharp desire
to meet you

you the point of
very beginning
of my consciousness
my body – a rhapsodic creation of yours
every bit of my longing for nirvana
is driven by the reins in your hands
i a mere vehicle
on your waters
journeying in ecstasy

this maya
this network of religions
this display of power
all these
want to dress you
in ugly attires
want to keep you away
from me

they create prisons
to stop flights of imagination
but they can’t hide you
can not hold me
… … … …
i will meet you,
as a river
meets the ocean
for, without you
i have
no past no future
you are my truth
my own truth
… … … …
… … … …
like reel
on a hosiery spindle
i expand and contract
again and again
in your search
i wind and unwind myself
again and again
… … … …
… … … …
in your hands
i am a brush
a chalk or something
rub me on a paper
canvas wall anywhere

create anything
said – unsaid
i will be just a medium
trembling in your
hands
… … … …
i am for you
as melody is to voice
with language disappearing
you are for me
as music for a touch of the brush
beyond the geometry of bodies
i am an electron
revolving round
in the cosmic space of an atom
and you
a world throbbing within that atom
within that tiny universe
… … … …
… … … …
Kameshwari
i will scatter in a desire of you
and in the gratification of my desire
i will jump over peaks of celebration
so i fall broken
like a drinker falls into abyss
after crossing extremes
Open me the last gate of ecstasy
with the key of your touch
so i die in your arms
so i drink nectar from your lips
and flow into oblivion
in the currents of your touch
… … … …
… … … …
scatter me
divide me into portions for
fire water wind
from the highest peak of ecstasy
i will swoop down to the heavens
and scatter
… … … …
turn the key
to open the lock for me
of time – no-time
… … … …
… … … …
When i utter your name
a universe of endless relations
comes into being
and in a 360 infinite space
you emerge
as colors splash
on a canvas of
vast deep darkness
You
overflow all
logic
law
emotion

i want to grasp you in full
so my canvas
my eye
my vision
does not forget and start dancing on
the strings of tradition again

i seek
a new medium
to know you
but who knows
if you will ever express
ever offer me a new medium?

My canvas does catch you
in a frame my desire creates for you
but it is not you
only a singular image
of a multi-faceted creation that you are.

you are ever a bit outside
of the network
grown out of language
of history
… … … …
… … … …
This love
this lava
this fluid consciousness
in your body in my body
could be stored in a chip tomorrow
and the criss-crossing of
infinitesimal waves in the chip
could feel love
the way we do
the way we fight
then calm down
if all this could be
enclosed in a chip
shall we still do
what we do now?
… … … …
i am
on your cosmic scale
a history
from zero to infinity
ever seeking fulfillment in your beauty
i merely change
names places faces
… … … …
a mere thought of you
takes me to the
verge of madness in ecstasy
… … … …
… … … …
when i want you
love you
some Mussolini
some Hitler wakes up in me
my guts want to spread
in you like dynamite trenches
and blow up
everything including
you and me
… … … …
… … … …


i am ocean
but not calm
currents flows
in me
against each other
… … … …
… … … …

i am but one
mitochondrion
in zillions
sitting in your cells
i seek you, my love,
in the complex network
of relations in the
minute spaces of the network
… … … …

you are the word
a dargaah of
visible and invisible
emotions
reaching me
… … … …

i am just a medium
drifting in your radiation
a thought
born out of society
language
history
… … … …
This line visible in the
graph of your being is me
seeking you
melodies of your thought
wander
in my conscious and sub-conscious
they mold me
and get molded
creating a new
meaning
like my effort to reach you
… … … …
i walk round you
in reverence
see you from different angles
you are the same
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …

you are
a black hole of knowledge
where i reach nirvana
free myself from
polluted ego and
merge into you
… … … …
you are a lingam
i suck
to fill myself with knowledge
… … … …
i am a photon
in your leela or the marvelous
let me be as you wish to see me
a particle or a wave
in my quantum spin
… … … …
i am a part of your
and you a part of my expanse
you and i meet
where
elements of you and my being
are the same
we compliment each other
you are a part of my expanse
i a part of yours
… … … …
… … … …
i am or am not
i do not know

i am in the matter
as you’re in me
or i in you
i am not like you
but not different either

to meet you
i break all laws
set by
language history form thought
… … … …
… … … …
you are a string
vibrating on guitar
as well a wave
reaching me
… … … …
… … … …
i am nothing
matter nor a potential
particle nor wave
i do not exist in space
i am but a relation
of movement
alive between you and me
i am a network
that changes structures
shapes and feeling
every time
… … … …
… … … …
… … … …
Kameshwari,
you are an orchestra with no player no conductor,
you are the composer the musician the melody
the conductor. i am just a neuron in the whole
of your symphony. i create and am created every
moment. You are a neurological orchestra different
than the physical one. you don’t play a given melody,
you compose each time a new one, strange unthinkable,
a symphony that started with my birth and ends with
my death. i am a player who is not present nor absent
who is just a piece in your orchestra woven everywhere
and nowhere. Your are such an orchestra, Kameshwari…